Humorous Quotes

laughing man

Displaying 1 to 10 out of 59 Quotes

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to weave.
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Mignon McLaughlin Quotes

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 humorous  weaving  

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Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
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Author Unknown Quotes

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 how-true  humorous  

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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
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Woody Allen Quotes

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 humorous  

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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Author Unknown Quotes

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 humorous  

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After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
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P.J. O'Rourke Quotes

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 humorous  parties  

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I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
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Elayne Boosler Quotes

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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Author Unknown Quotes

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 birds  humorous  

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It is known that there is an infinite number of worlds, but that not every one is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so if every planet in the Universe has a population of zero then the entire population of the Universe must also be zero, and any people you may actually meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination.
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Douglas Adams Quotes

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 universe  humorous  

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The last time I was in a woman I was visiting the Statue of Liberty.
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Woody Allen Quotes

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 humorous  

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A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
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Author Unknown Quotes

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 humorous  music  accordions  

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