Quotes by Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
Wright, Steven
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Wright, Steven
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Wright, Steven
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building. I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that's how it's done."
Wright, Steven
A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets. All they found was a pile of dust.
Wright, Steven
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
Wright, Steven
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Wright, Steven
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Wright, Steven
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Wright, Steven
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Wright, Steven
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
Wright, Steven