Quotes by Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
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Steven Wright Quotes
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
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Steven Wright Quotes
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
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Steven Wright Quotes
I listen to the police band on my CB radio. Once I dialed 911 and dedicated a crime to my girlfriend.
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Steven Wright Quotes
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
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Steven Wright Quotes
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building. I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turned to the other and said, "See, that's how it's done."
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Steven Wright Quotes
A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets. All they found was a pile of dust.
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Steven Wright Quotes
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
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Steven Wright Quotes
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
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Steven Wright Quotes
I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.
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Steven Wright Quotes
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