Quotes by Author Unknown
Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.
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The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.
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Love is like a butterfly: It goes where it pleases and it pleases wherever it goes.
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Where does the white go when the snow melts?
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Cheerleaders know that pyramids were not built in Egypt.
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There are much easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.
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There are three good reasons to be a teacher - June, July, and August.
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Sometimes on the way to our dreams, we get lost and find an even better one.
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Cleanliness is next to impossible.
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Strange how a teapot can represent at the same time the comforts of solitude and the pleasures of company.
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Coolidge was known for his terse speech and reticence. A woman bet her friend that she could get Coolidge to speak to her, which was something he was reluctant to do. She went up to him and said: "Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me." "You lose," Coolidge replied dryly, and walked away.
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The purpose of a liberal education is to make you philosophical enough to accept the fact that you will never make much money.
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Words want to be free!
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Friendship is the only cement that will hold the world together.
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If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
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Forgiveness does not mean the cancellation of all consequences of wrong doing. It means the refusal on God's part to let our guilty past affect His relationship with us.
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I don't play the field - I rule the sidelines.
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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular, "I guess we answered that question."
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True courage is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to proceed in spite of it.
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Give blood. Play hockey.
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It's been told that swimming is a wimp sport, but I don't see it. We don't get timeouts, in the middle of a race we can't stop and catch our breath, we can't roll on our stomachs and lie there, and we can't ask for a substitution.
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Never fight fire from ego.
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I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night!
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All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day.
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Conversation is the slowest form of human communication.
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Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
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The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.
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A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together!
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Friends are kisses blown to us by angels.
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Sisters may share the same mother and father but appear to come from different families.
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Many great ideas have been lost because the people who had them could not stand being laughed at.
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Weave in faith and God will find the thread.
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Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
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Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle.
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I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.
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Luck is when opportunity knocks and you answer.
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Religion is a man using a divining rod. Philosophy is a man using a pick and shovel.
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When you're riding lead, don't spit.
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Everyone has a photographic memory, but not everyone has film.
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Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer.
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You don't have to brush your teeth - just the ones you want to keep.
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Childhood is the most beautiful of all life's seasons.
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Take care of the earth and she will take care of you.
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Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
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Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory.
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Good company upon the road is the shortest cut.
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You don't have to be a beer drinker to play darts, but it helps.
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If it draws blood, it's hardware.
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In the 1960s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
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Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier.
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Exercise daily. Walk with the Lord!
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There is a lot more juice in grapefruit than meets the eye.
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Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
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A consultant is a man sent in after the battle to bayonet the wounded.
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Camping: The art of getting closer to nature while getting farther away from the nearest cold beverage, hot shower and flush toilet.
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Hockey is figure skating in a war zone.
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The three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
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Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
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No scrap of paper bigger than my smallest punch shall be thrown away.
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The difficulties of life are intended to make us better, not bitter.
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I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
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A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment.
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After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident, you begin to worry about history.
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I have my own little world, but it's okay - they know me here.
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Chlorine: the breakfast of champions!
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It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn't matter who gets the credit.
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The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself. Check yourself against this list of obstacles to a pleasing personality interrupting others sarcasm vanity being a poor listener insincere flattery finding fault challenging others without good cause giving unsolicited advice complaining attitude of superiority envy of others' success poor posture and dress.
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Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.
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Firefighting is all about ass - busting ours to save yours.
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How can I control my life when I can't control my hair?
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Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.
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Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence.
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Nowhere is there an account or portrait of Christ laughing. He is always stern, serious and as gloomy as a prison guard. Never does one see him laughing until tears appear in his eyes like the roly-poly squint-eyed Buddha guffawing with arms upraised.
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A sister is a forever friend.
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Whenever the ball flew toward our goal and a score seemed inevitable, Jesus reached his foot out and cleared the ball.
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Chlorine is my perfume.
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A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck.
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Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.
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What a wonderful thing is the mail, capable of conveying across continents a warm human hand-clasp.
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Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.
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Good tattoos aren't cheap and cheap tattoos aren't good.
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In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the Keno Lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there.
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Each fairy breath of summer, as it blows with loveliness, inspires the blushing rose.
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The best rule of friendship is to keep your heart a little softer than your head.
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If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
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Vacation: a period of travel and relaxation when you take twice the clothes and half the money you need.
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Vegetarians taste better.
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If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you.
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A kiss is just a pleasant reminder that two heads are better than one.
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Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
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A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a witty person, but a pebble in the hands of a fool.
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What this planet needs is more mistletoe and less missile-talk.
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No God, no peace. Know God, know peace.
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A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
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The only thing wrong with doing nothing is that you never know when you're finished.
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Just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you are one.
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Old card players never die, they just shuffle away.
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Epigrams succeed where epics fail.
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Sure there's no "I" in "team," but there is a "ME"!
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A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.
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Luck has a peculiar habit of favoring those who don't depend on it.
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There are no pockets in a shroud.
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Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
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Many an opportunity is lost because a man is out looking for four-leaf clovers.
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A grandparent is old on the outside but young on the inside.
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If you pick 'em up, O Lord, I'll put 'em down.
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Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee.
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Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.
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Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.
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I am woman! I am invincible! I am pooped!
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The very worst fire plan is no plan. The next worse is two plans.
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Even if you've been fishing for three hours and haven't gotten anything except poison ivy and sunburn, you're still better off than the worm.
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If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
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Every leader needs to look back once in a while to make sure he has followers.
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You know you are getting old when it takes too much effort to procrastinate.
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Skiing: the art of catching cold and going broke while rapidly heading nowhere at great personal risk.
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I trade sweat for strength. I trade doubt for belief. I trade cheerleading for nothing.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in.
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People know you for what you've done, not for what you plan to do.
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The trouble with living alone is that it's always your turn to do the dishes.
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The Internet is a shallow and unreliable electronic repository of dirty pictures, inaccurate rumors, bad spelling and worse grammar, inhabited largely by people with no demonstrable social skills.
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"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
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Opportunities are never lost; someone will take the one you miss.
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Skipping is inner joy and outer joy.
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I get a kick out of soccer.
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Forgiveness is love in its most noble form.
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Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
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This mess is a place!
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The Unix philosophy basically involves giving you just enough rope to hang yourself. And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure.
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Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.
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A hug is the shortest distance between friends.
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Light travels faster than sound. That's why most people seem bright until you hear them speak.
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A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.
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If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.
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Dancing with the feet is one thing, but dancing with the heart is another.
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Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad.
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The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
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An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.
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Socrates learned to dance when he was seventy because he felt that an essential part of himself had been neglected.
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You know you've reached middle age when a doctor, not a policeman, tells you to slow down, all you exercise are your prerogatives and it takes you longer to rest than to get tired.
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If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American.
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When one bases his life on principle, 99 percent of his decisions are already made.
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I'm in therapy and sewing is cheaper than a psychiatrist.
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Smile, it increases your face value.
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Cheerleaders are simply a jump above the rest.
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A woman wears her tears like jewelry.
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Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
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Programs for sale: fast, reliable, cheap - choose two.
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Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
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One person's weed is another person's wildflower.
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And as the seasons come and go, here's something you might like to know. There are fairies everywhere: under bushes, in the air, playing games just like you play, singing through their busy day. So listen, touch, and look around - in the air and on the ground. And if you watch all nature's things, you might just see a fairy's wing.
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When a programming language is created that allows programmers to program in simple English, it will be discovered that programmers cannot speak English.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
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Courage is an everyday thing. When we look reality squarely in the eye and refuse to back away from our awareness, we are living courage.
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The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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All the coffee in Columbia won't make me a morning person.
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Some people can hack it, others can't.
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Everything in moderation, including moderation.
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Love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image... otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
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Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
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The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle.
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Seven days of no swimming makes one weak.
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He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
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A hug is a handshake from the heart.
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A smile is something you can't give away; it always comes back to you.
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You know you live in Phoenix when the four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and are you freakin' kidding me?!
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A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
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Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.
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The most difficult part of attaining perfection is finding something to do for an encore.
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A true scrapbook addict is one who stages photographs to match paper she likes.
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Concerning football playing, I protest to you it may rather be called a friendly kind of fighting, rather than recreation.
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Teachers who inspire know that teaching is like cultivating a garden, and those who would have nothing to do with thorns must never attempt to gather flowers.
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We are all instantly forgiven but in order to benefit from this forgiveness, we must in turn forgive others and ourselves.
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There's nothing wrong with me a little ice cream won't fix.
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Dieting is not a piece of cake.
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A rustle in the wind reminds us a fairy is near.
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Firefighters - your worst nightmare is just another day at the office.
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We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.
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A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future.
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How do we know that the sky is not green and we are all colour-blind?
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When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
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When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
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Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life.
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Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups.
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The difference between try and triumph is a little umph.
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God gave us two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Success depends on which one you use. Head you win, tail you lose.
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You might be a firefighter if you've ever smoked and there wasn't a cigarette in sight.
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When Hell freezes over, I'll play hockey there too.
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Every survival kit should include a sense of humor.
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If you have one eye on yesterday, and one eye on tomorrow, you're going to be cockeyed today.
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Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character. Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul.
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Skip like the wind!
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Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places.
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One of the great disappointments of a football game is that the cheerleaders never seem to get injured.
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COFFEE. SYS Not Found: User startup disabled.
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When a cow laughs, does milk come out her nose?
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Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.
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Today is the last day of some of your life.
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Some people are like Slinkys... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Monday is a lame way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Love would never be a promise of a rose garden unless it is showered with light of faith, water of sincerity and air of passion.
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Nurses don't wait until October to celebrate Make a Difference Day - they make a difference every day!
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Don't vote, it only encourages them.
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Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
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We swim because we are too sexy for a sport that requires clothes.
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I can't fly, but swimming is the next best thing. The water is my sky.
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Our job is not to make up anybody's mind, but to open minds and to make the agony of the decision-making so intense you can escape only by thinking.
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Fashion Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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Joy is a flower that blooms when you do.
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Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
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If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.
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He who buys what he does not need steals from himself.
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A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer.
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Two-lane blacktop isn't a highway - it's an attitude.
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You might be a nurse if you firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.
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When life gives you scraps, make something with them.
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There are times in everyone's life when something constructive is born out of adversity... when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it.
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Any man can hold a girl's hand, but only the elite can hold her feet.
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This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anyone could have.
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History teaches us the mistakes we are going to make.
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It's not what if, it's what now.
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All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
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Programming languages should be designed not by piling feature on top of feature, but by removing the weaknesses and restrictions that make additional features appear necessary.
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When you blame others, you give up your power to change.
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Of all the people I have ever known, those who have pursued their dreams and failed have lived a much more fulfilling life than those who have put their dreams on a shelf for fear of failure.
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Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever - but would rather not.
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Things could be worse. Suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.
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A grandmother is a mother who has a second chance.
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Jumping for joy is good exercise.
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Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence.
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To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.
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We are each burdened with prejudice; against the poor or the rich, the smart or the slow, the gaunt or the obese. It is natural to develop prejudices. It is noble to rise above them.
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In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.
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Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich.
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People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they weren't so crazy about the first time around.
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Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
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Don't go out of your weigh to please anyone but yourself.
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Have cognition before ignition.
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When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
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Instead of being born again, why not just grow up?
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When mom and dad don't understand, a sister always will.
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Skiing is the only sport where you spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg.
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A bend in the road is not the end of the road... unless you fail to make the turn.
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You know you live in Phoenix when you can drive four hours in any one direction and never leave the Valley.
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Spread your wings and let the fairy in you fly!
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Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
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It is wise to keep in mind that no success or failure is necessarily final.
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There is no halftime for cheerleaders!
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Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.
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Love is blind; hate is deaf.
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They turned the country up on its side, and everything loose fell into California.
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The guy who invented poker was bright, but the guy who invented the chip was a genius.
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Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself.
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Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
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Games of chance are traps to catch school boy novies and gaping country squires, who begin with a guinea and end with a mortgage.
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Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it.
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I may not be there yet, but I'm closer than I was yesterday.
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You don't take a photograph. You ask, quietly, to borrow it.
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The goal is not to change your subjects, but for the subject to change the photographer.
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It is a fact that in the right formation, the lifting power of many wings can achieve twice the distance of any bird flying alone.
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.
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Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it.
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If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
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You might be a firefighter if the microwave goes off and you run out of the house thinking it was your pager.
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Motivation is when your dreams put on work clothes.
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The best way for a person to have happy thoughts is to count his blessings and not his cash.
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Hugs grease the wheels of the world.
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As ye sew, so shall ye rip.
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Blessed are the children of scrapbookers, for they shall inherit the scrapbooks.
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It is not how big you are, it's how big you play.
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Remember the tea kettle - it is always up to its neck in hot water, yet it still sings!
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Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday.
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If cheerleading got any easier, it would be called football.
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The person who really wants to do something finds a way; the other person finds an excuse.
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Commit to be fit.
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Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.
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Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever.
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The human spirit needs places where nature has not been rearranged by the hand of man.
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Philosophy is nothing but common sense in a dress suit.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
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Promises are like babies: easy to make, hard to deliver.
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If you mess up, 'fess up.
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The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning.
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You can tell a child is growing up when he stops asking where he came from and starts refusing to tell where he is going.
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Flowers and butterflies drift in color, illuminating spring.
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Modern man is just ancient man... with way better electronics.
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Don't laugh at the coffee. Some day you, too, may be old and weak.
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Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.
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You can't give a hug without getting a hug.
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It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
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There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream.
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Be naughty - save Santa a trip.
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The shortest distance between two people is a smile.
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Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.
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The best way to sound like you know what you're talking about is to know what you're talking about.
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Experience is what you got by not having it when you need it.
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You know you're a cheerleader when you have to yell, kick, and scream to get what you want.
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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
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You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut.
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One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why.
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I believe in God; I just don't trust anyone who works for him.
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I've spent most of my life golfing... the rest I've just wasted.
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Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't.
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On the sixth day God created man. On the seventh day, man returned the favor.
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"I must do something" always solves more problems than "Something must be done."
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Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you're sleepy.
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We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us.
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Our lives are like quilts - bits and pieces, joy and sorrow, stitched with love.
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Nurses are patient people.
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A picture, it is said, is worth a thousand words, but cannot a few well-spoken words convey as many pictures?
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Runners just do it - they run for the finish line even if someone else has reached it first.
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98% of all statistics are made up.
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In dog years, I'm dead.
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The only good thing about punctuality is that it usually gets you an apology.
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The best contraceptive is a glass of cold water: not before or after, but instead.
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Mothers and daughters are closest, when daughters become mothers.
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The inability to make a decision has often been passed off as patience.
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May peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through.
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Riding: The art of keeping a horse between you and the ground.
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Good lawyers know the law; great lawyers know the judge.
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Buying a Nikon doesn't make you a photographer. It makes you a Nikon owner.
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How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
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A teacher's purpose is not to create students in his own image, but to develop students who can create their own image.
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But a weed is simply a plant that wants to grow where people want something else. In blaming nature, people mistake the culprit. Weeds are people's idea, not nature's.
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Caffeine isn't a drug, it's a vitamin!
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A clean house is the sign of a boring person.
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If a trainstation is where the train stops, what's a workstation?
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Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color.
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Bread and water can so easily be toast and tea.
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Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps.
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Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
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Four out of five dentists surveyed recommended playing hockey.
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God pulled an all-nighter on the sixth day.
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Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house.
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Someday is not a day of the week.
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After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.
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If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine.
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A birth control pill for men, that's fair. It makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.
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Petroleum and coffee had no value a few centuries ago.
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Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.
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You might be a firefighter if you had to extricate someone by cutting the car doors off on one side and realized there was nothing wrong with the doors on the other side.
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God's last name is not "Dammit."
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Health is merely the slowest way someone can die.
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Envy slays itself by its own arrows.
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Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
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Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
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C:>COFFEE. COM error. Contact programmer J. Valdez.
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If you keep doing things like you've always done them, what you'll get is what you've already got.
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Each year it seems to take less time to fly across the ocean and longer to drive to work.
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Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
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This house is protected by killer dust bunnies.
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Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
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If you smile at someone, they might smile back.
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It was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on!
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DOS computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
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Sexism is a social disease.
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You know you're a firefighter when you really think that rusty old hydrant looks good in the garden.
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Availability is better than ability for God.
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Just because you're not sick doesn't mean you're healthy.
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A hug is worth a thousand words.
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If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done.
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Snowmen fall from heaven... unassembled.
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To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon.
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Playing with fire is bad for those who burn themselves. For the rest of us, it is a very great pleasure.
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Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here."
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Go the extra mile. It's never crowded.
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Arm ourselves for war? No! All the arms we need are for hugging.
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God is real, unless declared integer.
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Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking.
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May your bobbin always be full!
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I scrapbook therefore I am - broke.
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The same media people that claim violence on TV doesn't influence people, are perfectly willing to sell you advertising time.
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Those that say you can't take it with you never saw a car packed for a vacation trip.
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I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.
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When a diplomat says yes he means perhaps; when he says perhaps he means no; when he says no he is no diplomat.
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Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith.
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Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.
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Hugging has no unpleasant side effects and is all natural. There are no batteries to replace, it's inflation-proof and non-fattening with no monthly payments. It's non-taxable, non-polluting, and is, of course, fully refundable.
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There are ten church members by inheritance for every one by conviction.
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I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
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Grandmother-grandchild relationships are simple. Grandmas are short on criticism and long on love.
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If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.
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Night is the blotting paper for many sorrows.
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A vacation is like love - anticipated with pleasure, experienced with discomfort, and remembered with nostalgia.
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God gave the angels wings, and he gave humans chocolate.
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Some people talk about finding God - as if He could get lost.
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Breath is Spirit. The act of breathing is Living.
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Man cannot live on chocolate alone, but woman sure can.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it.
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No one is free when others are oppressed.
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All that I have seen teaches me to trust God for all I have not seen.
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Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.
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Nurses can take the pressure.
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Scrapbooking is cheaper than a therapist.
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Never let the little head do the thinking for the big head.
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No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
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May you live to be a hundred years with one extra year to repent.
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Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.
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Hate is misguided love.
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Without geography, you're nowhere.
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If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
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I think I'll believe in Gosh instead of God. If you don't believe in Gosh too, you'll be darned to heck.
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My grandmother made me a scrapbook because I was once too young to remember; I am making scrapbooks for my family because one day I may be too old to remember.
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My husband lets me have all the scrapbooking supplies I can hide.
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If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment.
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If you have a lane, you have a chance.
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I like my new telephone, my computer works just fine, my calculator is perfect, but Lord, I miss my mind!
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A friend is a brother who was once a bother.
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God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.
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If you can look at a dog and not feel vicarious excitement and affection, you must be a cat.
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As though pure white snow flashed and sparkled with the color of bright ruddy wine, and was overcome by this radiance.
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You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your heart as well.
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It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown.
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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His speeches left the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea.
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Sometimes the best way to hold onto something is to let it go.
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Indecision becomes decision with time.
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I don't drown my sorrows; I suffocate them with chocolate chip cookies.
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You might be a fireman if you've ever said, "she's hot tonight" and not been talking about a girl.
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When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal.
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Always tell the truth. If you can't always tell the truth, don't lie.
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Don't wait for people to be friendly, show them how.
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It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile.
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Maintenance is as much art as it is science.
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The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence, but you still have to mow it.
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If you must smoke, take your butt outside.
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He who burns his bridges better be a damn good swimmer.
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If you must drink and drive, drink Pepsi.
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You know you live in Phoenix when you've experienced condensation on your butt cheeks from the hot water evaporating in the toilet bowl.
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A horse is poetry in motion.
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A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
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If people were meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters.
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Words have meaning and names have power.
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When life throws you scraps, make a quilt.
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I love sewing and have plenty of material witnesses.
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A bed without a quilt is like a sky without stars.
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A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
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You can tell the size of your God by looking at the size of your worry list. The longer your list, the smaller your God.
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Nurses are I. V. leaguers.
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If love can't cure it, nurses can.
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We'd all be worse without a nurse.
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TV will never be a serious competitor for radio because people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen; the average American family hasn't time for it.
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Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.
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Microsoft, where quality is job 1.1.
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This is the first convention of the space age - where a candidate can promise the moon and mean it.
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If you are not as close to God as you used to be, who moved?
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My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't play my Game Boy?"
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If time and space are curved, where do all of the straight people come from?
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The Internet is the most powerful magnifier of slack ever invented.
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People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
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The two rules of procrastination: 1)Do it today.2)Tomorrow will be today tomorrow.
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It's not a bug - it's an undocumented feature.
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What happens to the wide-eyed observer when the window between reality and unreality breaks and the glass begins to fly?
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I prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions.
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Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
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A smile confuses an approaching frown.
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An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
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Truth fears no questions.
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Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
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In any other sport, if you miss the catch all you lose is the ball.
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The best fertilizer is the gardener's shadow.
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Primitive does not mean stupid.
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So many pictures, so little time!
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The world is divided into two kinds of people: those who have tattoos, and those who are afraid of people with tattoos.
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There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
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I don't do alcohol anymore - I get the same effect just standing up fast.
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You know you live in Phoenix when you are willing to park 3 blocks away because you actually found shade from a palm tree imported 300 miles from California and nurtured with water piped 250 miles from Nevada.
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Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.
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Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
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If you want to ruin the truth, stretch it.
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A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now.
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Racial superiority is a mere pigment of the imagination.
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If the world was flat I'd probably swim off it.
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I am a nutritional overachiever.
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A genius is one who shoots at something no one else can see - and hits it.
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My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
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Gather the crumbs of happiness and they will make you a loaf of contentment.
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In the binary system we count on our fists instead of on our fingers.
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Tennis begins with love.
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If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
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Don't deny hope it's chance to work magic
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An apology is a good way to have the last word.
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Stretch pants - the garment that made skiing a spectator sport.
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I'd give up chocolate, but I'm no quitter!
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If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.
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Children are for people who can't have dogs.
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History is herstory too.
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Grandmas never run out of hugs or cookies.
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Your life may be the only Bible some people read.
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The poor are poor because the rich are rich.
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I do my work at the same time each day - the last minute.
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Modesty: The art of encouraging people to find out for themselves how wonderful you are.
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Good things come to those who bait.
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It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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True love is when you put someone on a pedestal, and they fall - but you are there to catch them.
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Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.
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Snowflakes are kisses from heaven.
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A dirty book is rarely dusty.
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It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
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I have a degree in liberal arts. Do you want fries with that?
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Home is where you hang your @.
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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
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Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
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There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it.
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Sewing fills my days, not to mention the living room, bedroom, and closets.
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During a campaign the air is full of speeches - and vice versa.
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Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."
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Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.
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The best way to stop smoking is to carry wet matches.
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Television has changed a child from an irresistible force to an immovable object.
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Happiness is the feeling you're feeling when you want to keep feeling it.
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Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul.
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Even a fish wouldn't get into trouble if he kept his mouth shut.
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Your body is a temple, but how long can you live in the same house before you redecorate?
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Team means Together Everyone Achieves More!
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To the lamp of love: may it burn brightest in the darkest hours and never flicker in the winds of trial.
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A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer.
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The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
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Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.
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Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts.
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Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.
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Here's to all the kisses I've snatched - and vice versa.
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Snow: a form of precipitation that usually occurs three weeks prior to and the morning of your departure from your ski vacation.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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It'll be a great day when education gets all the money it wants and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy bombers.
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How good does a female athlete have to be before we just call her an athlete?
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Firefighting - one of the few professions left that still makes house calls.
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The name of Jesus is the one lever that lifts the world.
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I think a photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it.
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Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
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Swimming: From the outside looking in, you can’t understand it. From the inside looking out, you can’t explain it.
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The secret of teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you just learned this morning.
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The alternative to a vacation is to stay home and tip every third person you see.
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How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
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You know you live in Phoenix when the cold-water faucet is hotter than the hot-water faucet.
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Diplomacy: The business of handling a porcupine without disturbing the quills.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
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Never say, "oops." Always say, "Ah, interesting."
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Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back.
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Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
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I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.
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I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness," but that doesn't work.
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I'm not a cheerleader. I'm an athletic supporter.
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Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
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Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.
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If you don't ride in the rain, you don't ride.
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Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes.
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Quilters know all the angles.
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Nurses are angels in comfortable shoes.
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Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient."
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Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain.
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The sooner I fall behind, the more time I have to catch up.
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God is innocent. Noah built in a flood plain.
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If cheerleaders are so easy, why aren't you with one?
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Before you can break out of prison, you must first realize you're locked up.
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Living but doesn't teach them how to make a life.
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Bad men excuse their faults; good men abandon them.
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A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time.
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The ornaments of your house will be the guests who frequent it.
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Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all it keeps them off the street.
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I don't discriminate - I'm an equal-opportunity hugger.
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There is no hope for a civilization which starts each day to the sound of an alarm clock.
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Any day spent sewing, is a good day.
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To a runner, a side stich is like a car alarm. It signifies something is wrong, but you ignore it until it goes away.
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If you don't have a smile, I'll give you one of mine.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes.
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Worry is a complete cycle of inefficient thought revolving about a pivot of fear.
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Often sound advice turns out to be totally wrong. Sometimes things turn out in such a way that only a fool would predict. Which is why fools, too, have their place in analysis and debate.
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Society is a made-up formula of what we are supposed to be, kept alive by those who believe in it... I laugh in the ugly face of society, with all its fabricated dimensions.
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Forever: Time it takes to brew the first pot of coffee in the morning.
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RISING SUN detected: (A)nother coffee, (C)old shower, (S)leap?
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In the nineteenth century men lost their fear of God and acquired a fear of microbes.
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What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.
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People who look through keyholes are apt to get the idea that most things are keyhole shaped.
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Is the glass half empty, half full, or twice as large as it needs to be?
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George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles.
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Self-respect is a question of recognizing that anything worth having has a price.
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H2O: two parts Heart and one part Obsession.
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If you resist reading what you disagree with, how will you ever acquire deeper insights into what you believe? The things most worth reading are precisely those that challenge our convictions.
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When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure you've got plenty to watch.
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God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me.
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There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, and chocolate truffles.
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I conceive that the land belongs to a vast family of which many are dead, few are living, and countless numbers are still unborn.
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Women have been taught that, for us, the earth is flat, and that if we venture out, we will fall off the edge.
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Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog wouldn't eat.
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You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt.
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Home is where you can say anything you like cause nobody listens to you anyway.
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Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.
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Ready, fire, aim: the fast approach to software development. Ready, aim, aim, aim, aim: the slow approach to software development.
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A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.
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The only cure for seasickness is to sit on the shady side of an old brick church in the country.
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I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted, but his or her entertainment value.
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Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
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Food has replaced sex in my life; now, I can't even get into my own pants.
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Dreams are only thoughts you didn't have time to think about during the day.
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Every day is Earth Day.
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There is nothing wrong with today's teenager that twenty years won't cure.
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Grandparents are similar to a piece of string - handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of their grandchildren.
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Happiness is like a kiss - it feels best when you give it to someone else.
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We run away all the time to avoid coming face to face with ourselves.
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Every day you spend without a smile, is a lost day.
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People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.
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A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others.
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Don't just do something - sit there!
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Love, she said, should be said more slowly, and ran from the house. Words could not catch her as such. Honesty is so slow, that is the trouble.
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Nature never goes out of style.
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It's better to crash into a nap than to nap into a crash.
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I like my coffee like my women: hot, strong, steamy.
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The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.
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Horses lend us the wings we lack.
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Every time someone tells me how sharp my photos are, I assume that it isn't a very interesting photograph. If it were, they would have more to say.
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Words can make a deeper scar than silence can heal.
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Most people wish to serve God - but only in an advisory capacity.
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There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.
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Being good is commendable, but only when it is combined with doing good is it useful.
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A quilt will warm your body and comfort your soul.
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The only difference between graffiti and philosophy is the word "fuck."
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To crop or not to crop, that is the question.
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Think before you ink!
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Love is nothing in tennis, but in life it's everything.
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There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
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Money may talk, but chocolate sings.
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Wind chimes in your yard will serenade garden creatures - squirrels, fairies and angels.
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High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing... everything else is just figure skating.
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If gay and lesbian people are given civil rights, then everyone will want them!
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Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships.
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When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
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Patience is the ability to count down before you blast off.
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If you don't start out the day with a smile, it's not too late to start practicing for tomorrow.
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Do I like my coffee black? There are other colors?
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Firefighters save hearts and homes.
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A grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart.
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If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it.
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Sewing: A creative mess is better than tidy idleness.
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Those who sleep under a quilt, sleep under a blanket of love.
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Nurses are the heartbeat of health care.
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When you're a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours.
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Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But life looks different through everyone's eyes.
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Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
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The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.
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It's easier to apologize than ask for permission.
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In Arizona, shade trees are your best friends.(And occasionally the basis of small civil wars over parking.)
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A little girl is sugar and spice and everything nice - especially when she's taking a nap.
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In trying to get our own way, we should remember that kisses are sweeter than whine.
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What boots up must come down.
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Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
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Gone fishin', be back at dark-thirty!
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The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.
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Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins.
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You can't fall off the floor.
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One photo out of focus is a mistake, ten photo out of focus are an experimentation, one hundred photo out of focus are a style.
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I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
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The average teenager still has all the faults his parents outgrew.
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If you bring that sentence in for a fitting, I can have it shortened by Wednesday.
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Always act like you're wearing an invisible crown.
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I prefer liberty with danger to peace with slavery.
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I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.
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Hug Department: Always Open
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By the time I have money to burn, my fire will have burnt out.
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You can't hide your true colours as you approach the autumn of your life.
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A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange.
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Grandfathers are for loving and fixing things.
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It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.
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If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
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Why is there only one ball for 22 players? If you gave a ball to each of them, they'd stop fighting for it.
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Some folks wear their halos much too tight.
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The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking, but that he won't let you stop listening.
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In God we trust, all others we virus scan.
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The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!
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There are two types of fisherman - those who fish for sport and those who fish for fish.
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It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
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Knowledge is haunted by the ghost of past opinion.
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It's easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years?
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When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.
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Respecting yourself means listening to your body and emotions continuously. Then acting beyond a linear logic to achieve ones goals.
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Vacation used to be a luxury, but in today's world it has become a necessity.
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Focusing on the act of breathing clears the mind of all daily distractions and clears our energy enabling us to better connect with the Spirit within.
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Every day is an opportunity to make a new happy ending.
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There is only one way to cheer - hard!
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Deja Brew: The feeling that you've had this coffee before.
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A daughter is a gift of love.
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You might be a firefighter if "climbing the corporate ladder" has nothing to do with career advancement.
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May thy ball lie in green pastures... and not in still waters.
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If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
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Please don't feed the dust bunnies.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not.
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Without love, the rich and poor live in the same house.
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Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.
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Mother Nature is wonderful. Children get too old for piggy-back rides just about the same time they get too heavy for them.
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Not all religion is to be found in the church, any more than all knowledge is found in the classroom.
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.
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Chance takers are accident makers.
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Scrapbooking fills my days - not to mention my living room, bedroom and closets!
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A morning without coffee is like sleep.
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Conscience keeps more people awake than coffee.
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I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.
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Windows is just DOS in drag.
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A daughter is a little girl who grows up to be a friend.
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There are three stages of a man's life: He believes in Santa Claus, he doesn't believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.
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Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it.
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Do not repeat anything you will not sign your name to.
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Diamonds are a girl's best friend and a man's worst enemy.
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I like making a piece of string into something I can wear.
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Don't be discouraged. It's often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.
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Wear a smile - one size fits all.
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A smile can brighten the darkest day.
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It's better to fight for something than against something.
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Crime, like disease, is not interesting; it is something to be done away with by general consent, and that is all about it.
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Fires all go out eventually.
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When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the fire.
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Know your limits, but never stop trying to exceed them.
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Grandmas hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever.
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Divorce: The past tense of marriage.
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Asking a seamstress to mend is like asking Michelangelo to paint your garage.
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Arizona looks like a battle on Mars.
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Baseball is the only place in life where a sacrifice is really appreciated.
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I think I just ate my willpower.
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You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness.
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Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the serpent and the serpent didn't have a leg to stand on.
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The bicycle will accomplish more for women's sensible dress than all the reform movements that have ever been waged.
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I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter.
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A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
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It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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People who snore always fall asleep first.
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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
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Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
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Memories are stitched with love.
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When at night you cannot sleep, talk to the Shepherd and stop counting sheep.
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Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to.
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Teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success.
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An individual cannot know what he is till he has made himself real by action.
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The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.
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All bicycles weigh fifty pounds. A thirty-pound bicycle needs a twenty-pound lock. A forty-pound bicycle needs a ten-pound lock. A fifty-pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.
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To be a fashionable woman is to know yourself, know what you represent, and know what works for you. To be "in fashion" could be a disaster on 90 percent of women. You are not a page out of Vogue.
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Volunteer firemen do it for free!
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"Carpe Diem" does not mean "fish of the day."
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Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope.
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The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.
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What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
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Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.
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Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up.
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No one is perfect... that's why pencils have erasers.
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While on a ladder, never step back to admire your work.
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Losers quit when they're tired. Winners quit when they've won.
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Teamwork is essential - it allows you to blame someone else.
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Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.
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Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg.
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God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled.
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I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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A three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner: "I don't like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate."
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Dear Lord, help me to break even. I need the money.
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Born to golf. Forced to work.
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Gray hair is a blessing - ask any bald man.
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God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces.
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We seem as a nation to be suffering from a mania for play. The huge development of pleasure-chasing automobiles merely symbolizes our universal restless eagerness to be running after something, anything, that we can classify as diversion. Under pressure from tormenting constituents our legislatures are piling up holidays. And the cry of labor everywhere is "Cut down hours; cut down hours," until it seems as if brief, tired minutes were all that would be left for work. The obvious deduction is that work is always something to be got rid of, as if it were a curse. Yet life is work.
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I'm a material girl - want to see my fabric collection?
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The rainy days a man saves for usually seem to arrive during his vacation.
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If your prayers were always answered, you'd have a reason to doubt the wisdom of God.
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In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed country, don't breathe the air.
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It would not be at all strange if history came to the conclusion that the perfection of the bicycle was the greatest incident of the nineteenth century.
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A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future.
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I feel like I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
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We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
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When Jesus comes, the shadows depart.
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Hug a police officer. It's the law!
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A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done.
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The more chance there is of stubbing your toe, the more chance you have of stepping into success.
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Our roots say we're sisters, our hearts say we're friends.
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A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
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Adversity introduces a man to himself.
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I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience.
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Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
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I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.
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Backpacking: An extended form of hiking in which people carry double the amount of gear they need for half the distance they planned to go in twice the time it should take.
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Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
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Later never exists.
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A cat is an example of sophistication minus civilization.
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Keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
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Retirement is one great big giant coffee break.
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My blood type is Folgers.
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At least my pencil never crashes!
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Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present."Dr. Holmes," quipped a friend, "I should think you'd feel rather small among us big fellows." "I do," retorted Holmes, "I feel like a dime among a lot of pennies."
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I am too tired to fight, but too stubborn to conform to the ways of this fucked up world. I give up.
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You can dance anywhere, even if only in your heart.
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Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests.
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If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
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I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me!
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Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.
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I'm in shape. Round is a shape... isn't it?
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The speedway ends at the cemetery.
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Raindrops are like fairy whispers.
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Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel.
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A bad day of fishing is better than a good day of work.
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Men fight for freedom, then they begin to accumulate laws to take it away from themselves.
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Freedom is never free.
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A good friend is cheaper than therapy.
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Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer.
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A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked.
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Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
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Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.
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Gone golfin'... be back dark thirty.
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It might be more worthwhile if we stopped wringing our hands and started ringing our congressmen.
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Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting.
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Grandfathers are just antique little boys.
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The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
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I have a warm feeling after playing with my grandchildren. It's the liniment working.
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No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet.
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No matter how far in or out of the closet you are, you still have a next step.
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Horses - if God made anything more beautiful, he kept it for himself.
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Swallow your pride occasionally, it's non-fattening!
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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
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Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
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The advent of electronic mail is fostering a revival of "the familiar letter."
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Love someone who doesn't deserve it.
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Life is simple, its just not easy.
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We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse.
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Why torture yourself when life 'll do it for you?
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Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
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You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry.
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Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
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Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
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Trigonometry is a sine of the times.
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Infinity is a floor-less room without walls or ceiling.
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If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.
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I am having an out of money experience.
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The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests.
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Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary.
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So much fabric, so little time! Or, sew much fabric, sew little time!
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My husband is a human pincushion.
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Sewing forever, housework whenever.
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Quilters never grow old, they just go to pieces.
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In the crazy quilt of life, I'm glad you're in my block of friends.
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In bringing up children, spend on them half as much money and twice as much time.
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Difficult things take a long time, impossible things a little longer.
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It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe.
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A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.
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Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise.
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An older sister helps one remain half child, half woman.
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Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.
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The easiest way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.
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Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension.
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It's difficult to decide whether growing pains are something teenagers have - or are.
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Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his little animal friends.
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Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.
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When I glimpse the backs of women's knees I seem to hear the first movement of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony.
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People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross.
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True friendship is like a rose. We can't realize it's beauty until it fades.
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