Quotes by Andy Rooney
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Rooney, Andy
Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
Rooney, Andy
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Rooney, Andy
We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
Rooney, Andy
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart. [They] want to be just one of the boys.
Rooney, Andy
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'
Rooney, Andy
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Rooney, Andy
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Rooney, Andy
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Rooney, Andy
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Rooney, Andy
Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
Rooney, Andy
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Rooney, Andy
Don't pin much hope on the mail, and when the phone rings don't expect anyone wonderful to be calling.
Rooney, Andy
Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Rooney, Andy
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."
Rooney, Andy
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Rooney, Andy
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Rooney, Andy
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort, the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing, the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Rooney, Andy
I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.
Rooney, Andy
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Rooney, Andy
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Rooney, Andy