Quotes by Andy Rooney
Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Death is a distant rumor to the young.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart. [They] want to be just one of the boys.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer is garbage that no one ever reads.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Don't pin much hope on the mail, and when the phone rings don't expect anyone wonderful to be calling.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Don't rule out working with your hands. It does not preclude using your head.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort, the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing, the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes
The last birthday that's any good is 23.
Link to Quote
Andy Rooney Quotes