Quotes by Erma Bombeck
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Erma Bombeck Quotes